I totally agree with DaenaCat's advice! My mom has always been a trial, but when I was going through my divorce it went off the charts bad. Badbadbadbad. Finally, in the midst of a divorce, all that stress, financial concerns, and worries about the kids--a neighbor sideswipped me on the way to work. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back. It broke me. I called my mother (because isn't that what mom's are for? Like isn't that their job description--pat children on head, make it all better, bake cookies). She told me I'd better get down on my knees because it was God's judgement on me for getting divorced (not trying to start religious issues here), etc. It was brutal and it hit me. This was all about HER--how she felt, how embarrassing I was to her, her choices she made or didn't make. I mean it became clear. I told her I thought she was a sad bitter woman and I hurt for her, but that this relationship was toxic to me and I had to take care of my own emotional health at this point. I loved and respected her as my mother, but I also loved and respected ME. I hung up. though my dad pleaded with me to speak to her (she was making his life miserable) I explained my rationale and he was ok with it. Granted there was a time of concilatory phone calls that turned into the same old same old. I just kept saying, "This conversation is no longer productive. I won't be a party to it" and ended the conversation. It took awhile but things really did improve. She will still try to pull some of that stuff, and I'll point it that it sounds like those are HER issues/concerns, or I appreciate her concern and will think on it, or simply I am sorry, but this isn't open for discussion. Amazingly, "I" no longer get angry and uptight. I have regained control and ownership of my own emotions and reactions. When I feel myself getting uptight or upset, I ask myself why...and generally there is something I can do about it.

But hey, it only took me thirty something years, lol!!! It's definitely still a work in progress! Good luck. It's heart breaking when you parents can be the supporting nuturing parents we all need and want. BUT it will also make you look very carefully at what type of parent, if you choose to be a parent one day, you will CHOOSE to be. something to think on.

HUGS.